How do we build relational wealth?
“A relationship is a system. Like any system in nature, it straddles stability and change. It needs that constant dance—between tradition and change, old and new—in search of homeostasis.”
Dear Friends,
Over the last year, I’ve had the privilege of learning about connection, creativity, and mindset from extraordinary thinkers in interviews for Fast Company. Their wisdom continues to shape my thinking; And, given our shared exploration of these topics, I’m excited to dedicate two newsletters to spotlight those conversations, along with a practice or perspective from each (The conversations are also linked in the headers). We’ll kick off by focusing on “relational wealth,” which neuroscientist Dr.Bruce Perry introduces us to below, and meet again next week to elevate the quality of our attention. I hope their insights are as enriching for you as they’ve been for me.
With love,
Jenna
Psychotherapist Esther Perel on play, interdependence, and support systems
“A relationship is a system. Like any system in nature, it straddles stability and change. That's why I talk about structure and spontaneity. If it changes too much, too fast, it dysregulates and becomes chaotic. If it doesn’t change at all, it fossilizes and dies. It needs that constant dance—between tradition and change, old and new—in search of homeostasis.”
Neuroscientist Dr.Bruce Perry on building relational wealth
“When we feel connected to people around us—meaning they’re present, attentive, and responsive— that creates an environment of regulation and reward. Eye contact, a smile, a nod—All of these gestures positively impact a person’s physiology.
Picture a spiderweb. Each little strand is tiny. But, collectively, the web has tremendous strength. That’s what happens with these little moments. We don't need to sit in a circle and hold hands all day. When you’re kind passing a team member in the hallway or offering feedback, you’re helping her weave her daily spider web of regulation. If only two of those strands are being woven a day, and somebody pushes you into it, you’ll break right through. This is what happens when people have relational poverty. They don’t have a strong fabric of social connectedness to protect them.”
Girls Who Code CEO Dr.Tarika Barrett on collective joy
“The case for being a joyful activist is that our problems are outsized. We’re going to be tackling some of them for the rest of our lives. With that understanding, every interaction ends up being precious, right? Every moment of connection needs to be cherished and respected as its own manifestation of positive change.”
Yale Professor Dr.Laurie Santos on time affluence, work-life harmony, and creating a sense of belonging
“It’s important to express gratitude and how much we value people, which doesn’t happen at work very often. I just experienced this. My team member Vanessa did a great job with our Good Life Center newsletter. I was moving on to my next email, then I paused and decided to tell her and be specific. I didn’t just say: Awesome job! I said: I loved the activity you came up with because it’s going to draw students in. The video with the Yale mascot was also particularly funny. It made me happier to appreciate a team member I really care about. It meant a lot to her too. This is how you build a sense of belonging. Too often, we have private appreciation and don’t say it. If you don’t say it, they won’t know it.”
Chef Giada de Laurentiis on mentorship and building community
“Storytelling is what connects us; The stories you have to tell about the experiences you've shared creates a community, and that creates family.”
Ten Percent Happier Host & Co-founder Dan Harris on practices for mindful relationships
“Love no matter what.” It doesn't mean that you invite people you disagree with over for dinner, give them a hug, and endorse everything they're doing. It just means that you understand that everybody has their own causes and conditions. If you endured those causes and conditions, you'd probably be doing the same thing you disagree with. Love doesn't have to be, ‘You complete me,’ coming out of Tom Cruise’s mouth with music swelling under it. Love is understanding and having a degree of friendliness toward your fellow human beings.”